The only way out.

I take to the paper

When the world goes insane

A beautiful sparkling snow covered haven

Look closer; there is brutality and blood there.

The lovely family that’s just perfect,

See the pretense the disdain the lifeless touch.

Right next to the hospitals,

See the kids starve beg die…

I sit in class, hoping to learn,

The voice is like a drone, takes a backseat in my head,

I just can’t connect.

I tune out, nowhere to go

It’s like a rainbow, devoid of colors.

The conversations are bland,

Food is un-alluring.

Life till yet was fine,

now it’s just ‘nothing’.

I dress up when expected to,

I gear up to impress,

For what? Oh please don’t ask,

The confusion has to be kept afar.

I rush home when I have no work,

I cook even if it’s taxing.

I eat without hunger

And sleep more without need.

I drink to fight the abyss, smoke to fight the drink.

I wonder Whats life,

And take to paper for that’s the only stable thing.

It’s like water, I can’t hold but sure can feel.

It’s the ‘feel’ I get when I write,

And maybe that’s the reason why

I hold on to this life.

When heart gives a pep-talk

At the crossroads I stand,

Step into the world …

Build something on your own

Be unconventionally conventional.

They say lay low and follow.

Flow into the footsteps

The footsteps are sure and deep.

The castles and the bubbles

Are all a child’s dream

It’s the corporate world now

All with the keycards and Id’s.

The irony borders on hilarity.

The castle floats in the high taunting sky.

The glass prisons are truly grounded.

They say its ‘life’, lived by forefathers before,

Single life is too short to make all the mistakes

So learn from them before you go.

The ‘learnings’ are now prison bars

They doom you before your fate

Every step has a do and don’t

It’s not your life anyway.

You are free but in a debt

You owe it all, don’t you know!

Family, friends, society, they all have a claim

And of course God has the biggest stake.

Its not your life anyway…

Then why did I get this heart,

One that dreams on.

I feel it, follow it and ready for the hurts.

I never surrendered that, why would I!

The society prison is not for me.

I am a spirit, I will fly

Don’t tell me the eagle may pounce,

The lure is sky is too sweet to deny.

At my crossroad, I smile

I am a human but I wanna fly.

Its all about loving the the city that owns you...

  Having been inflicted by wanderlust since generations, my family has developed the knack for doing the holiday thing just right. The one I wanna share here is the city that stole my heart and I almost cheated on Amchii Mumbai. (Almost: P) the place I am talking about is NYC. Yes, the big apple. With Rockefeller Center, Times Square, statue of Liberty, Empire state building, Madam Tussads, Macys, Central Park, Hershey’s   delight and hell lot more... Why am I rushing through all this in single breath when I can write 1000s of word for each of them?

Because you will find it in any odd  article on NYC, what I fell for is the spirit. The spirit of the city is what makes it special. We have metros but it’s the soul of the city that makes you wanna own it and be owned by it. With NYC I was floored. The memorial of twin towers made me marvel the cruelty of humanity and the knack of commemorating it beautifully.

The subways showed that beneath the city there is a power, like a backstage, which helps put up a deadly show for the world. The rushing crowd who tilts head at you when you catch their eye, the cabs and the street food all marks a city that has led a regal life. There is struggle, pain and hard work there, it’s palatable but the joy of Hudson and the view from empire state building all but saps the pain, replacing it with belief, belief that they will survive.  We were in Jersey for 5 days, (4 NYC + 1 Washington.)

The stories are epic by the hour but the one that goes with the theme has an Asian family and of course the search for Iraani Chai! Having taken the hop-on, hop-off bus, I my mom and my brother were ravenous. My maa absolutely refused the Gyro, Hot dog, (sadly Red Lobster was shot down, point blank). In the quest we entered a homey looking shop and found a lovely lady, we chatted (as we love to do that in Hindi on foreign soils). By the end we knew each other’s family, the migration story and address for an Iraani chai. (Globalization, duh!)  

The lady then said she and her son are from Pakistan. I was stunned! The sworn enemies with the hatred and bloodlust were standing there, laughing, hugging, wishing luck and helping! That particular chai was the most profound one I have had till date and believe you me I was Proud. Proud to have the Jodey dillo Ko moment on the Soils of USA. The city of dreams showed me life and love (Cab drivers do hit on you, kidding!!). A place where human is just human. A place where I shed tears at the Statue of Liberty ferry, for in a strange way I felt liberated. Seeing the setting sun over the Hudson from the empire state building,  witnessing the lights come on for miles and miles around you makes you feel awed , blown, mesmerized. NYC taught me that shackles of society and the rules are illusion. Its just your guts that matters.

The beauty and grace made me humble. The last view of Statue of liberty felt like a mother bidding adieu to a warrior, full of silent strength which all but said , “I am waiting here, live your life, make me proud and come back when you are ready’. Someday I will ...

In some ways it resonates with spirit of Mumbai. The never ending lights, the feel of victory and best part- you belong to the city and the city belongs to you. Now I have 2 cities that are next to my hear (I am true blue Mumbaikar with a lust for NYC) 

This is dedicated to the lovely aapa we meet in the store, on the street of NYC. Looking forward to connecting with the life across the border with Zindagi, Take a look at it on  http://zindagitv.in/ Television just got interesting ! 

in need of it all ...

Need someone…

Someone to share and be vulnerable with

Someone to scream at shout at and eventually smile with

its not a fairy tale thing

its not a love u prince charming deal

I just ask for a friend

A friend to talk to and be myself with

Sometimes this thing pinches me

Tells me m wrong

I have people

People to reach out to

Maybe I expect too much

In the end m trapped

There is no pointing and laughing

It’s just a cage

Inmate is quiet and aggressive,

Nonetheless it’s a cage

I decorate it make it fun

Or tear it all down

Mass destruction.

But nonetheless it’s a trap.

Is that all there is to life

My faith is shaken my life is a mess

Feels like I missed a train …

Its moving too fast or too slow

It just seems too hollow.

How do I escape, how do I change

Maybe I just need to move at a faster pace

Brutally true, I need to move .

Loose myself to win it all

Looks like a fair deal

For being myself is no easy thing

Emotions are too raw, getting near is dangerous

Stay away stay busy make life hell

That will get u a good nights sleep

And in the end its what life is about

To get up for that one dream,

sleep in peace with that very dream!

My inspiration!

I feel happy

I feel great

No good reason

Just call it fate

I am a conqueror

I am a winner

Off what, ohh god

I don’t know dat

It doesn’t matter

Not a bit

It’s like a torch

Just newly lit

Full of vigor

Full of grace

A warrior, a ballerina

Fall in a trace

I am all, all in one it seems

They all rush through me… like one being

Laughter teases ma face, shiver runs down my spine

Don no whats up, but it feels so divine

I love it all

I am me …. Just me

Happy as can be

For no reason

Breeze without season

This will always bring a smile

In darkness or defeat in life

This moment will shine

In all its glory, just as bright

N set all mishaps right

N once more I ll b a winner

I ll be a conqueror 

In all its beauty, I ll be just right …

Is this the way to be ?

I live a life dats not mine
For the me inside me cant survive
In dis world I lose myself
In the rut I just disappear
I come out wen I hav my cards write
Wats the point to play wen I caant put up a fight
Till den I bid my time
Wait to pounce , wait till its rite
Wen the wheels will turn n the world ll be mine
I ll be the fierce hunter .. n just go 4 the kill
Sometimes I wish to be
like d one I wanna be
To be myself just simple n true
A clean slate .. prestine n new
No strings attached no patched up past
Not too much to ask it my seem
But universe is a like a mean little kid
Like a puppet master wid a mean humor
It makes me live as me,
on its own terms it seems.
It’s a game and I am the pawn
Till I figure out the rules .. might as well go on !

Marvel of the Marvel World.

What a girl in twenties, hoping to entertain for her 17 year old brother from US can do but take help of the MARVEL wold. This started with an impromptu trip of my long gone li'l bhai. In the sweltering heat of mumbai, in the middle of my internship, i have a baby brother to entertain. So we go where ? to the marvelous world of marvel comics!! Starting with spider-man, sorry thats the Amazingly Amazing Spiderman ! we laughed, swore, gave thumbs up and hide away tears ( that's an exaggeration, i couldn't could hid it :P ) there we hit the ground running! Thus began the marathon movies from Thor to Hulk to Captain America, re-runs of Iron man I,II,III . And of course the Avengers. The fights the power the rush and more importantly a safe common ground to break the ice!
Somewhere in the movie with the roughhousing about the soda and popcorn and the pee-breaks leading to pausing right when Godzilla roars ! the life to the bond returns and how!
His trip is about to end and we celebrated it with Godzilla new one, and just to end it on a high, there is probably very few people out there who are waiting for X-MEN as desperately as I am.
It has to be Legen- i -so-do-not-want-to-wait-for-it- Dary !!

Good'o days !

When I am wid you

the world is just rite 

U make we wanna live

Live n laugh n play n jive

Hats off stupidity

 dreams n promises soo naïve

still ,all the reality I need

it’s ‘ the world ‘I believe

memory of the hoop n all the ball games

the cake n the court n the party n the rain

classes n pracs n journals n labs

getting out of all of them

we din give a damn

your lunches  I’d eat all up

every coffee I had 4m dat cup …

your smile lightens up my day

so here s wat I gotta say …

love you guys u r the beasts

but u suit me well to say the least

just hoping we get to go down dat lane

and live the fc days again….. 

.. memories of fergusson days

Like a river

Like a river , changing its current

Strange subtle and always different

Like the music in your soul

Every beat sets a new tone

Life is like that it just goes

You try to protect it , hold it tight

You try to secure it , make it right.

But does the lake match the river??

The museum is but frozen time, it’s not the present

Stagnant is safe but one cant forever be a tenant

The romance of an adventure, of inviting a danger

Of knowing life is a canvas all blank n white

You don’t need the borders or any order

Splashing my colors is what I desire

My life is not neat sketch but a gorgeous fire

You can’t stop the flowing water

But being human is a different matter

My peers wanna follow imposed dreams

All in different vocations,

But all I wanna be is the definition,

Definition of freedom and perfection….

I live when i dream ....

to be alive ?!

what does it even mean ?

 to breath ? to smile ? to sing n hav a gud time ?

4 me to live is to dream…

Coz  in ma dream ,I really live

for It’s a place wer I fit in.

Ma reverie just clicks, it’s a wonder

Perfect passion n little thunder

Lot of music melted in together

 Ppl in ma never- land  are all alive

no awkwardness , just sweet silence.

 I love it there I lov dem all

Coz in ma dream ,I really live

for It’s a place wer I fit in.

4 me the parallel wrld is real one

N the real world is my dream

ma dreams r colours , dey r pure joy

the whole rainbow charade wid a pot of gold

a joy ride 4 vic I ll never be old

to ma dreams I really cling

to live dem , i ll give world a fight

for its wer everything is just right

I live to dream n dream alone

coz in ma dream ,I really live

for It’s a place wer I fit in.

My thoughts…

Why do we have to define, Define and confine at every turn,

Change and rearrange the meaning of every term.    

Nothing comes dat neat,

 Nothing fits in bowed up pack, never it is dat sweet.

Life is unpredictable, unreliable, unbelievable…..

So why do v try?? Try to solve the puzzle …

When the jumble is what tells the story,

Mess is what creates the mystery.

So why kill the fun,

Y not just run…..

Soar through the sky …. Glide through the sea….

Don’t need jet or ship…... u see…

If u live, you are alive,

If u just survive, u is dead inside…

Penny 4 my thoughts ?

Everythin fades everything dissolves

Leaves  me wondering

With every problem unsolved .

Every morning with every sunrise

I resolve to give it a fight

Exhausted defeated I crawl back at night .

Every demon every nightmare

Haunts me every moment, sooo unfair .

No support none at all

I spiral down, one painful fall .

‘Figure out Ur life, work hard make it perfect

Says the sounds, like a wakeup call

Like an order a whip cracked

I stand up... afraid to fall 

Like a mountain it pressures me down

And yet I continue to be a clown.

Heart races sweat breaks my whole being shakes

And yet with a smile I give what it takes

I laugh I sing I play along

It’s a veil, a façade

Behind which my life remains .

Someday somehow u ll understand

The reason why I always pretend .

Till den I ll follow the pied piper

Join the herd , mix wid the crowd

Tolerate the music  till it’s too loud.

Bid my time to find  ma grip again

Either dat or ll go totally insane.

INCREDIBLE INDIA !

I am scared

Scared to dream

Dream about cars and palaces to live

Live in the horror

Horror for the little kids

Kids on the streets

Streets so unforgiving

Unforgiving cravings for money

Money which devour  sweat and blood of man

Man is the ruler man is ruled

Ruled we all are by our own rules

Rules written long back in time

Time is valued more than a being divine

The being divine has created a wall

Wall between human , success and progress

Progress for sake of progress is forbidden here

Here we discuss politics with our many gods dear

Dear to us are cows on the streets alone

Alone is the kid we refuse to touch

Touch is what is asked from ‘us’

‘Us’ is a joke unwilling to love

Love is long lost , the fire is dead

Dead as rocks we all have become today

today we talk as if society is some sorta boss

Boss we aren’t of either our body or our soul

Our  soul is lost , incredible incredible.

why smile !!

Smile... smile coz it’s worth it,

Smile.... smile coz the world needs it

Nothing can hamper a full lit smile

To ward of all the trouble

All you need is a true smile

It helps cover life’s long miles

As long as you smile

You win, you always win wid style

A sparkle in your eyes

A hop in your walk

A smile on your face

Is all that it takes...

To make your life …a piece of cake…